Thursday, February 14, 2013

thousands of tears later

little teardops flow down my nose. i was ready to die. no one could escape me. my ears are full of hysterical nervous music of Hole and suicidal feeling burnt my mind into clouds of lost dreams and colors of forgotten summer. i have an autumn in my life and nothing can give me sunshine. only gloom and my intimate thoughts disturb my broken heart. i don't know what made me depressed. today is not special date, i have no boyfriend, my family is ordinary, and no events happened with me in the school. something (someone?) broke me and it feels like there is black emptiness in the space inside my body. does the time exist? do i exist? what exist at all?

moscow is sinking in frosen sunshine. i am sinking in my stress and depression. cool.

exotic flowers in me wilted and the air filled with grey soft carbon dioxide. teen hormons are on the top, my mother says. but i don't think that hormons can behave so badly. it's only my mood, it's normally for me to be anxios and depressed. i want to have more gloom on the one hand, but on the other cynical bulletproof shell can protect your intimate crying feelings from the other's curious eyes. my thoughts should be kept in secret from my surrounding because i hate when theirs compassionate fake looks. 


  1. Thanks so much for your comment, it means so much!

    Have a great day,

  2. Depression is tough, but there is always hope
    - from someone that knows first hand

  3. lovely blog! would you like to follow each other? let me know!

  4. Great post! I really like your blog, so I'm a new follower =)

  5. Second last photo for to be my favorite!

  6. Great post !Would you like to follow each other?

  7. Nice post!!! thank you so much for your visit! I follow you!
    Have a wonderful weekend!

    Besos, desde EspaƱa, Marcela♥

  8. Awesome blog, just found it and I am already following! Follow back?

  9. Your blog ist absolutely amazing x
    I love your posts
    My blog is quite new and the blog posts are in German but the coming posts will be in English as well.
    Could we follow each other?
    When you start following me, write a comment and I will follow you back xoxo
    Here is my blog:

  10. oh your writing is so amazing. this is so greatly described, you are so talented oh my gosh. i do hope you are feeling better. it's so great when people share how they are feeling with such honesty and rawness.

    1. thank you! depression ran away with the time....

    2. good for you! fifteen by taylor swift has such lovely lyrics, one of my most favourite being 'i've found time can heal most anything' which i think is quite relevant here aha. :-)