thousands of tears later

little teardops flow down my nose. i was ready to die. no one could escape me. my ears are full of hysterical nervous music of Hole and suicidal feeling burnt my mind into clouds of lost dreams and colors of forgotten summer. i have an autumn in my life and nothing can give me sunshine. only gloom and my intimate thoughts disturb my broken heart. i don't know what made me depressed. today is not special date, i have no boyfriend, my family is ordinary, and no events happened with me in the school. something (someone?) broke me and it feels like there is black emptiness in the space inside my body. does the time exist? do i exist? what exist at all?

moscow is sinking in frosen sunshine. i am sinking in my stress and depression. cool.

exotic flowers in me wilted and the air filled with grey soft carbon dioxide. teen hormons are on the top, my mother says. but i don't think that hormons can behave so badly. it's only my mood, it's normally for me to be anxios and depressed. i want to have more gloom on the one hand, but on the other cynical bulletproof shell can protect your intimate crying feelings from the other's curious eyes. my thoughts should be kept in secret from my surrounding because i hate when theirs compassionate fake looks.