me and the stream of feelings

I am looking forward to the HOLIDAYS and new Marina and the Diamonds' album, and also to the enslavement of the Universe by feminism (however this, i don't want the feminism to be mainstream). I am obsessed with stupid serials, putting rubbish in my brains, and I think this happened because my own life isn't as interesting as I want it to be. I listen to Dum Dum Girls, Hole, TEENS and Kate Nash, reread Virgin Suicides (it's like ritual for me), and watched some films, and these mean that I have my life organised like other days, but I want a DRAMA! 

I've been doing nothing this week and the next, sure, will be too. I write in my blog and diary, spend some time on tumblr to find rare photos, read books, watch tv shows and cause a great confusion in my brains full of feminism, Ghost World, indie-pop and r'n'b, summer, lipstick by MAC and other teen stuff like i had listed above. OMG<

And also i am going to the International Vilnius American School, where I will take my classes in ENGLISH!!!! You can't understand my feelings because you, sure, never lived in Russia for whole life, speak Russian with your parents and classmates, and now our family is moving to Lithuania (little country in east europe, so little that you can't see it without microscobe :)), and I am going to learn in English, you hear, in English! I am totally tired of all my fucking feelings and emotions that give me on the one hand positive energy and on the another - PROBLEMS, and I am freaked out of so many buzzing thoughts and hysterical nervous nights dropping teardrops and laughs on the diary pages. 

I am enraged by my classmates thinking that I am nearly mad and strange because I am an ardent Feminist with so many obsessions about girl's rights and feminine but free lifestyle, and I stopped explaining what the feminism truly is, recalling on stupid brains full of lipstick not smart ideas of my dear 'friends'. Anyway I rewatched Ghost World and feminist and sarcastic mind of Enid inspired me to be more confident and look at feminism from another point of view. I was so enraged by people who imagine that feminism is The Great Evil that I didn't think what would happen if all the women were feminists/// It would be not WOW, because I don't want the Woman to be a robot. The girl Power isn't sexuality, but anyway feminism is understood not by all of women. And I would like to say that girls are powerul like boys, and we can't be infringed in our rights. 

This moodboard of pictures is made to show how important feminiism in real life can be.

theatre is an exotic flower

Today is Thursday, and i want to post here some new articles in a few days. Now i am feeling myself fucking artistic and weird, like i enter psychedelic world of aliens and crystal daisies (no, your guess not right, sure,- i don't do any drugs, i am just such an extremely eccentric person). Have you ever think of life as a theatre play, with so many parts, individuality, dramatic developments and freaky minds. I do. I love the theatre, the most invisible kind of creativity (except writing, sure). I am very artistic, imaginable and emotional, and i feel that my role in this world is to impersonate, and to write. The emotional influences of theatre explode my grey-colored days in some bright colors, the energy it gives me is full of electrons waking me up from bed and bad mood. Anyway, why theatre? Why am i in a great love to perform others? Because when i portray someone, i am in touch with his (her, its, anyway) soul, i feel him, and this gives me a punch, yes, a punch of colors and eccentricity. I palp his emotions, feelings, dreams, characters, intimate thoughts, and this is absolutely great to be a peculiar psychologist, sure. 

When i was little, i realized what the loneliness is. I haven't been at kindergarten, my only friends are dolls and imagination full of colors and electric positivity, and that was the time when my crazy love on theatre began. It wasn't cozy enough in real world, so i built my own. I stayed lonely until i go to the 1st grade, where i became with one girl best friends. I gave you my glittering creative energy, and felt more comfortable. I believe that i was an alien (now i believe it, too). The realization that my life is a play strengthened my love on theatre, i wanted to play, however everyone thought that i am confused and me and artistic career - incompatible things. But I just have so early realized what the world is, that my soul closed to not truly friends. I asked my mom if we went to the theatre, and that was the greatest happiness to me - to watch how a play transfer you like the time machine in other ages... I said myself: theatre is my obsession. I am sick with it. 

Well, I seek theatricality in all things surrounding me. I started to be interested in fashion and art, beacause their origins grew up by theatre. Look at the new collection of some designer. Can you see something reminding you of theatre? Textures, colors, cuts, styles, shadows, mood. Mood especcialy gives to audience something theatrical, epatage.

Oh I am such a sickener. Sorry, I just forgot that I am a teen girl. :) 

Miss Sugar-Pink

I chew you up and I spit you out,

'Cause that's what your love is all about.

So pull me closer and kiss me hard,

I'm gonna pop your bubblegum heart.

I'm Miss Sugar-Pink, liquor, liqour lips,

Hit me with your sweet love,

Steal me with a kiss.

I'm Miss Sugar-Pink, liquor, liqour lips,

I'm gonna be a bubblegum bitch,

I'm gonna be a bubblegum bitch.

This lyrics from Marina and the Diamonds' song BUBBLEGUM BITCH describes this gum butterfly day and butterfly feelings... OH LA LA! Innocent teen mood is flowering in my heart of blurry daydreams. Do you like to chew a gum? Just listen to this too sweet song. Now I am practising for biology exams, but my emotions don't let me learn a cell structure. Bubblegum pop music is for me an echo of the summertime, and my little teenage diary full of tears and smilles is pop and bubblegum. Glamorize and sweet, I am a Bubblegum Bitch.

i am eating cakes

 What is magic? Does it exist? I would say: yes. I have my head not on my shoulders because spring is coming soon and I am in love with somebody again and again. I like pastel dreamy colors this week: they seem perfect shades and structures.

I have been sick for two months,- but to my mind for ages. my head was in the lands of gods and monsters, where I was an angel, and I have no exits to go out from this country of my fantasies. and now I am in good health: but I completely forget what the real life looks like. I want to return Wonderland with Alice, I miss endless green landscapes full of sweet aromas of wild flowers. I should do my algebra homework and do my biology project: the real life seems awful war of school and my dreams. so what could I do?

the only thing I can do now is rest. but I have been having rest for two weeks! no, I want another piece of rest. on Hawaii? no, in the bed with interesting book and video games and tumblr.com. and today, on my blog of pop culture and sweet candies, I can forgot about everything with tender pastel clothes and magic atmosphere of pink ice cream color.

enjoy the spring and be pastel like sunshine and lavender

Sonia

%^&O*^EX*%&WC&%$VO* or girl's rock bands

today i wasn't at school and thought about next post in my blog, and the best idea is to write here about forever young female rock bands. if i say 'female rock bands', i say 'Courtney Love and Hole', because Courtney is really COOL and her band is one of the most popular in the rock music world. but not only Hole is in my play list, there are also Dum Dum Girls, Kittie, Babes in Toyland, L7, The Pretty Reckless and others. i turn on their song when i hate everybody. 

it's strange that i can hear only female bands, but i have an answer: girls sing about girl's problem, boys sing about boy's problems. logical? i am a girl, so i am closer to girl band's texts and music. Courtney Love said once, that men-rockers were amazed that she sold albums as much as them, in general, women that sang rock music are not so much, especially popular ones. i am amazed of her. she never thinks of the repercussions, she lives on the principle of 'dying young'.

anyway, my love of her was founded by her feminist point of view of some stuff. she turned her gloomy feminine and riot nature into teen rock songs with aggressive girlish babydoll vocals and fucking atmosphere of torn Versace dress, smeare mascara and crown of Miss World. she says us that men are sexists who's interest to women personality is obscured by boobs and asses, and feminism in her opinion is nothing but the lifestyle. such a free woman you would seek for very long time ;). this freedom, this red lipstick, this sexuality, this honest songs, this guitar, this torn nail polish, this energy,- AWESOOOOOME!!!

i wear my headphones and sink in crying melodies. the feeling is like i die. depressive sounds of guitar, heavy girly voices. yes, i am in my own world.

i wish all the listeners of Hole go to the heaven.

Enid from Ghost World

But i am a Gay

No, I am not a gay, anyway.
Yesterday i watched a brilliant film about homosexuality But I Am A Cheerleader (1999), that completely changes my opinions about nontraditional sexuality and gay culture. Some time ago i didn't know how to react on gays, but today i sure can say that i am in favor of homosexuality. On the one hand, gay love is actually LOVE, however not so typical. But i am not sure about last word: I noticed that homosexuality is quite normal in modern world, and, i don't mint to say this, it's very fashionable. Glamorization of gay began in the 70s, when people rioted about sexual discrimination and freedom, and now the word 'homosexuality' acquired the shade neither shame nor deadly sin - normality. No, not normality,- fashion.

On the another hand, God, making our world, set standards, and one of those is that man must do sex with woman, and woman must do sex with man. Simple rule. But what should you do, if your nature is gay, and if you fall in love with person with a same gender? How can you protect your soul from something you can't control?
Sometimes (no, usually!) the guilty of all the person's deviations is the auto-suggestions, about power of that we know not by hearsay (you know what i am talking about ;)). You become a gay because the wave of gay-fashion's rushed, surrounding you, not because you actually are. However now it's cool to be gay, in past it was awful fault, destroying your lives. So it was not so WOW to be homosexual. It was a kind of suicide.
Anyway, it's time to end my article.